Determined AF

The past two weeks have put me in a solid funk. I’ve struggled to put a reason on it and tried to power through and hope the next day would get better but I just found that it lingered.

I started working from home because the showroom I work out of is having construction done on it for an upcoming show in June. The idea of getting to work from home for 5 weeks is amazing and I’m sure anyone would love to switch places with me even for a day!

What I started to see right away was that I was having trouble finding the line between doing my work and relaxing in the comfort of my own home. Usually at work if you get frustrated or overwhelmed you can get up from your desk and walk away to get some fresh air. When you’re at home – where do you go? Pace in the kitchen? Exactly.

It’s harder to find that boundary line especially when you feel like you have to be on 24/7. Every time an email came in I felt like I had to answer it ASAP. It got me thinking, “Why am I so anxious over this?” Part of me feels like in a way, if I don’t respond to the emails quickly or if I’m not chained to my desk it makes me look like I don’t care about my job or like I’m not accountable. The fear that I won’t be looked at as a good worker can cause me to over stress.

But here’s the thing – no one expects you to be perfect.

The world won’t end if you don’t respond to that email ASAP.

As long as you do the best you can that is all that matters.

In addition to learning my work/home boundaries my weight has been fluctuating with my stress levels. I’ve been sticking to my morning workouts and doing cardio in the evening but there were a few nights where ice cream, pizza, and wine were involved…. Perhaps all in the same night….

I’ve been using my stress as an excuse to eat instead of taking a step back to say, “Ok, what’s going on here?”

For the past 6 months I have fluctuated between the same 10 pounds. I hit 150 just as my boyfriend and I flew to Florida for our first vacation together. When we came back I was up 10 pounds, lost them, but now I keep going through this vicious cycle of down 5 up 5 down 3 up 3. I need to put an end to it.

The funny thing is – this is part of life. You can’t always expect to stay on track and when you get off track it’s up to you to get back on it.

I know what I need to do. I’m not always going to be motivated to get up and go to the gym, luckily I have gotten to the point where I’ve gone to the gym consistently for a year now that going to the gym is second nature to me. It’s now ingrained in my psyche that when I get up I work out or when I get home from work I work out. This took a lot of practice and determination.

There is a fine line between determined and motivated.

You are not always going to be motivated. You are not always going to wake up and say, “I want to go to the gym.” 9/10 times you’re thought will likely be, “I don’t want to go to the gym.” But your determination to lose the weight is what will get you out of bed.

I’m reading Mel Robbins book: The 5 Second Rule and I love her method of thinking of yourself as a rocket ship. When you wake up in the morning and that thought creeps in, “I don’t want to get out of bed and workout” or “I don’t want to get up…5 more minutes!” Think of yourself as a rocket and count back from 5. 5-4-3-2-1-GO! 

I’ve been using this method to help motivate me and it’s been working! I’m determined to lose this weight. I’m determined to get rid of the weight that has made me feel less confident in myself.

So this is my message to hold myself accountable and to ask you to hold me accountable.